Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

HomeAl0ne

Offline (the 03/05/2014 at 11:12pm) | Search for a member

HomeAl0ne

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 11355
  • Number of comments : 1126
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About HomeAl0ne : Ahhah! Caught you peeking. Don't pretend you were just vacuuming naked and slipped and accidentally clicked on my nickname.....

OK, so what do you want to know, hmmm?

Yes, I'm really 52. Yes, I understand that seems improbable. Yes, I understand that the interwebs is for young people and that this makes me a creeper. Yes, I understand that I certainly shouldn't be using smiley faces and 'lol'. Yes, I understand that I must be lying about this, because otherwise you'd believe me.

If you'd like to find out anything else, or just drop by for a yarn, send me a PM.

HomeAl0ne's page activity

Visits<b>A_Rabid_Dear</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:04pm<b>Burberryhype</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 12:14pm<b>lp102400</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:45pm<b>meowmixgirl</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 6:21pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 11:31am<b>Bloink</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 1:37pm<b>Mernfern</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 1:36am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:27pm<b>zoecw</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 8:05am<b>maggiefox</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 11:31pm<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 4:08pm<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 11:02am<b>umidontrember</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 5:02pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:43pm<b>music8484</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 11:42pm<b>SosKrosis</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 10:41am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 10:24am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 8:59am

HomeAl0ne's FML badges

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of HomeAl0ne's badges

HomeAl0ne's favorite FMLs

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21719) - you deserved it (2820)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
364 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33905) - you deserved it (7630)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I let my dogs out, and then realized they didn't have their electric fence collars on. I ran inside to get the collars, then dashed out to put them on my dogs. I ran through the electric fence. The collars were on. FML

#14630933
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8154) - you deserved it (35570)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:49pm - animals - by fml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31164) - you deserved it (4587)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

#14613104
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33035) - you deserved it (5666) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

#14585633
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25653) - you deserved it (9635)

On 01/15/2011 at 2:09am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

#14524101
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31872) - you deserved it (3281)

On 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by curlyisnogood -

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

#14500845
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25482) - you deserved it (3683)

On 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm - work - by poop (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about our new year's resolutions. I started telling him that I wanted to lose some weight. He interrupted me, saying, "Yeah yeah, we all know you're fat, whatever." He then went on a 30 minute speech about how he'd really like to take more pictures of his cat in 2011. FML

#14463244
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26134) - you deserved it (5628)

On 01/04/2011 at 2:34pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML

#14459549
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (11924)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:05am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

#14456122
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6339) - you deserved it (31891)

On 01/03/2011 at 10:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28898) - you deserved it (3128)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

#14324208
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27196) - you deserved it (17338)

On 12/24/2010 at 2:36pm - love - by burnt38392 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (8715)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

#14244337
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27027) - you deserved it (2709)

On 12/18/2010 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: