Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

HomeAl0ne

Offline (the 03/05/2014 at 11:12pm) | Search for a member

HomeAl0ne

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 12669
  • Number of comments : 1126
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About HomeAl0ne : Ahhah! Caught you peeking. Don't pretend you were just vacuuming naked and slipped and accidentally clicked on my nickname.....

OK, so what do you want to know, hmmm?

Yes, I'm really 52. Yes, I understand that seems improbable. Yes, I understand that the interwebs is for young people and that this makes me a creeper. Yes, I understand that I certainly shouldn't be using smiley faces and 'lol'. Yes, I understand that I must be lying about this, because otherwise you'd believe me.

If you'd like to find out anything else, or just drop by for a yarn, send me a PM.

HomeAl0ne's page activity

Visits<b>oops6663</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 8:12pm<b>A_Rabid_Dear</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:04pm<b>Burberryhype</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 12:14pm<b>lp102400</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 8:45pm<b>meowmixgirl</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 6:21pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 11:31am<b>Bloink</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 1:37pm<b>Mernfern</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 1:36am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:27pm<b>zoecw</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 8:05am<b>maggiefox</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 11:31pm<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 4:08pm<b>Jarl_the_Elite</b> - the 03/19/2014 at 11:02am<b>umidontrember</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 5:02pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 10:43pm<b>music8484</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 11:42pm<b>SosKrosis</b> - the 11/06/2013 at 10:41am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 10/31/2013 at 10:24am

HomeAl0ne's FML badges

Seen it!

You’ve watched 5 FML videos on the website, and commented on them.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of HomeAl0ne's badges

HomeAl0ne's favorite FMLs

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

#18242868
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31784) - you deserved it (4244)

On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

#18108392
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39819) - you deserved it (22637)

On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

#18102402
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30736) - you deserved it (10402)

On 10/29/2011 at 10:07am - work - by joser6969 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27075) - you deserved it (32444)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29042) - you deserved it (3026)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45383) - you deserved it (2667)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

#17986528
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28193) - you deserved it (10599)

On 10/15/2011 at 12:33am - misc - by dak-rod423 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30564) - you deserved it (5189) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

#17908235
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7706) - you deserved it (58757)

On 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you deserved it (6103)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46589) - you deserved it (3587)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#17827987
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40670) - you deserved it (3265)

On 09/25/2011 at 6:26am - love - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

#17821676
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (77007)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24645) - you deserved it (15049)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: