FML: HomeAl0ne

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HomeAl0ne

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Town/Country : Sydney, Australia
Title : Mister
Birth Date : Thursday 28 May 1959 (52 years)
Number of visits : 3354
Number of comments : 1126
Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About HomeAl0ne : Ahhah! Caught you peeking. Don't pretend you were just vacuuming naked and slipped and accidentally clicked on my nickname.....

OK, so what do you want to know, hmmm?

Yes, I'm really 52. Yes, I understand that seems improbable. Yes, I understand that the interwebs is for young people and that this makes me a creeper. Yes, I understand that I certainly shouldn't be using smiley faces and 'lol'. Yes, I understand that I must be lying about this, because otherwise you'd believe me.

If you'd like to find out anything else, or just drop by for a yarn, send me a PM.

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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HomeAl0ne's favorite FMLs

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

#18242868 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (23800) - you deserved it (3011)

On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

#18108392 (336)

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (16039)

On 10/30/2011 at 1:31am - intimacy - by Korisite - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my own shop. And I'm a locksmith. FML

#18102402 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (10190) - you deserved it (3113)

On 10/29/2011 at 10:07am - work - by joser6969 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (17753) - you deserved it (1823)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

#18070582 (368)

I agree, your life sucks (19807) - you deserved it (21291)

On 10/25/2011 at 6:15am - intimacy - by sad - Reserved

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827 (129)

I agree, your life sucks (20727) - you deserved it (2041)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520 (228)

I agree, your life sucks (36401) - you deserved it (1836)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, my balls were stepped on while I was taking a nap in the park. The man said he didn't see me lying there. I was wearing a neon orange jacket. FML

#17986528 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (20862) - you deserved it (7573)

On 10/15/2011 at 12:33am - misc - by dak-rod423 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (10017) - you deserved it (1538) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

#17908235 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (5332) - you deserved it (39351)

On 10/04/2011 at 11:28pm - misc - by danii - Reserved

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (18767) - you deserved it (4224)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (32314) - you deserved it (2513)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#17827987 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (31290) - you deserved it (2152)

On 09/25/2011 at 6:26am - love - by Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

#17821676 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (3652) - you deserved it (22450)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

#17804302 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (7656) - you deserved it (4497)

On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

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