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Today, at karate, sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
yesterday ma in-laws cummd for dinner . My 5-year-old son cose tat as te perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" wen ma daugter cougd up some of er food . I ave no idea were e eard it, but ma moter-in-law blamd me, and ma wife ad to convince er to call CPS on me . big fat FML
Yesterday, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said u could, but anything u caught under 5 inche has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried an complained to my boss.
Today... I borrowd mah looool boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity... I clickd through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicatd to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
yesterday my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML
today while at the movies, I had an uncomfortable amount of gas that I couldn't hold in any longer. I waitd 4 a loud part in the movie to conceal it and took mah chance. Problem was, the loud part endd abruptly. I didn't. FML
Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her cuz for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML
Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her 4 a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man 4 almost a year now. FML
Friday 27 March 2015