Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

HeXr

Offline (yesterday at 12:56am) | Search for a member

HeXr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 17762
  • Number of comments : 381
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About HeXr : People are stupid

HeXr's page activity

Visits<b>TKPhai</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 1:18pm<b>ptellini</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 10:33am<b>Droneman</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:54am<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 5:49pm<b>DonkeyTeeth2013</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 5:08pm<b>amourmourant</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 11:50am<b>DavidaimeRS</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 10:48pm<b>Cortezthe1st</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 9:03pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 10:19pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 11:49pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 6:04am<b>Jclan_91419</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 3:19am<b>barneyAU</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 6:20pm<b>bingo__O</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 2:08pm<b>pjpeej13</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 4:00pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:44pm<b>bluehero</b> - the 03/09/2014 at 10:35am<b>KissMyButtocks</b> - the 02/19/2014 at 12:30am

HeXr's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of HeXr's badges

HeXr's favorite FMLs

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23907) - you deserved it (2279)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

#21432890
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (4358)

On 06/27/2015 at 3:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31785) - you deserved it (2304)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

#21432491
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26240) - you deserved it (2862)

On 06/26/2015 at 7:32pm - kids - by tycrist8 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

#21431076
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28635) - you deserved it (1756)

On 06/24/2015 at 8:44am - health - by tantanpanda (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30150) - you deserved it (12395)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (3699)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38552) - you deserved it (4209)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, an ultrasound tech complimented me on my "exceptionally full bladder". That's probably the best compliment I've received this week. FML

#21424908
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24049) - you deserved it (2217)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:02am - misc - by Jules7594 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

#21421616
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26951) - you deserved it (4331)

On 06/06/2015 at 1:52am - animals - by iamfab - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29458) - you deserved it (1998)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25700) - you deserved it (9818)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

#21420681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25317) - you deserved it (6200)

On 06/04/2015 at 12:21pm - love - by NoMoreTacoBell - United States (Virginia)

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

#21420435
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24622) - you deserved it (4907)

On 06/03/2015 at 9:59pm - work - by officeditz - United States (Florida)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: