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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Haelous

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Haelous
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 17407
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Haelous's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (21623) - you deserved it (293882)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

#11750 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (35811) - you deserved it (4813)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (54198) - you deserved it (19194)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

#8687 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (8808)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm - animals - by EpicFail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630 (36)

I agree, your life sucks (38286) - you deserved it (1583)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

#8629 (44)

I agree, your life sucks (20908) - you deserved it (4278)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. FML

#7767 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (153174) - you deserved it (6429)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:51am - intimacy - by rexob (man) - United States (California)

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "i'm bored." FML

#7619 (46)

I agree, your life sucks (33331) - you deserved it (5273)

On 02/04/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by na (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

#7193 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (30043) - you deserved it (1236)

On 02/04/2009 at 2:53am - animals - by RustyBulletHole - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

#5809 (55)

I agree, your life sucks (16762) - you deserved it (3850)

On 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

#4708 (52)

I agree, your life sucks (25981) - you deserved it (5125)

On 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm - misc - by frankrizzo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend, was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (13749) - you deserved it (7363)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

#3898 (22)

I agree, your life sucks (17842) - you deserved it (720)

On 01/30/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by crakbbyaparently - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

#2729 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (34607) - you deserved it (1341)

On 01/26/2009 at 7:02pm - health - by Noname - Japan (Fukuoka)

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

#2488 (40)

I agree, your life sucks (12956) - you deserved it (1265)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm - love - by EpicFail - Canada (Alberta)