About Hacksaw : Schadenfreude.
Hacksaw's FML badges
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Hacksaw's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
by Noname / 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Noname / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Dr. Virgin / 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML
by Noname / 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I rolled over a curb and bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML
by ouagadougou / 02/24/2009 at 6:02am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
by addictedtofml / 02/24/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. off my hair. When I got there I decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date I asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "I see you got rid of you mustache." FML
by hey-o / 02/23/2009 at 6:09pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML
by not getting any anymore / 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML
by isuckatlife / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
by Nails / 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML
by svet / 02/21/2009 at 9:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML
by Whothrewhim / 02/21/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
by taperjeangirl / 02/21/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Noname / 02/21/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML
by ohh jeez. / 02/20/2009 at 9:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work