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Grand_Cookie

Offline (the 11/29/2014 at 6:29am) | Search for a member

Grand_Cookie

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 15453
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.

Redheads>Jesus

Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>aruden</b> - 23 hours ago<b>nwaugh72</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:27pm<b>Malteser95</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:35am<b>Akazuki</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 11:43pm<b>Cynoblaze</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 6:39pm<b>WhatTheHeckman8</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:35pm<b>ZoeeeGuyss</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 9:10pm<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 12:10am<b>bigmike3000</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 1:52am<b>JohnTheMermaid</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 12:33am<b>kaycrazyy</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 2:52pm<b>missblue97</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 3:39am<b>VeryPhyxal</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 12:10am<b>michaelf461</b> - the 01/02/2015 at 11:29am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 12:20pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 2:40pm<b>Darnis</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 11:57pm<b>breccafis</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 5:18am

Liked!<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 6:10am

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32800) - you deserved it (14134)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

#20568440
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34576) - you deserved it (6326)

On 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm - love - by immaturity all around (woman) - United States

Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML

#20565452
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40157) - you deserved it (4721)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41047) - you deserved it (23325)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42168) - you deserved it (5453)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, I bought an expensive razor that's supposed to be great. My roommate asked if she could borrow it, and as her legs just looked like they needed touching up, I said sure. After a strangely long amount of time, she came back, thanked me and left. Her legs were still hairy. FML

#20557395
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36397) - you deserved it (11782)

On 03/24/2013 at 1:30am - misc - by bleach (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51713) - you deserved it (6266)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML

#20556205
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44379) - you deserved it (3295)

On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom thought I was a lesbian because I dated a girl in high school. I didn't date anyone in high school. Apparently, guys never asked me out because my best friend told everyone that I was her girlfriend. I had a two-year lesbian relationship that I never knew about. FML

#20554170
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47594) - you deserved it (3180)

On 03/21/2013 at 8:35pm - love - by SmallAngel (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally got to meet my boyfriend's parents; it turns out that his mum is my therapist. I've just spent an entire morning telling her how confused I am about my sexuality. FML

#20553373
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46636) - you deserved it (6030)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:25am - misc - by me (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36823) - you deserved it (9767)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

#20551973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44750) - you deserved it (6218)

On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

#20549296
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46575) - you deserved it (4771)

On 03/18/2013 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by chickenmcnuggetgirl (woman) - Ireland (Meath)

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

#20548521
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34205) - you deserved it (2888)

On 03/17/2013 at 11:14pm - work - by Ihatemyjob (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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