Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Grand_Cookie

Offline (the 09/17/2014 at 4:29am) | Search for a member

Grand_Cookie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10207
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.

Redheads>Jesus

Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>abattior</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 9:20pm<b>simplysarcastics</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 2:24am<b>Demonface54</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:43am<b>slimblack</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 7:21pm<b>gingerJ</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:38am<b>normal_shy_kid</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 8:13am<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:25am<b>hai_baylee_here</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 5:51pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:09pm<b>NotAUser</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 1:33pm<b>bubblesBVB61113</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:29am<b>pj6444</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:22pm<b>JackDaddy13</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:01am<b>__juanito__</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:18am<b>zearow</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:33am<b>hopsinlove17</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 11:12pm<b>Dramori</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 10:38am<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 2:49pm

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Grand_Cookie's badges

Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

#15719480
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37081) - you deserved it (4108)

On 04/10/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19267) - you deserved it (65834)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

#15714709
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21358) - you deserved it (36389)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by Sid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

#15714143
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21185) - you deserved it (28487)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Arran (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

#15712381
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43720) - you deserved it (3903)

On 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by Jill - United States (New York)

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

#15703960
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38089) - you deserved it (9054)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:46am - intimacy - by fuundmental/// - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

#15676274
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43661) - you deserved it (3678)

On 04/07/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

#15662595
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (4932)

On 04/06/2011 at 7:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

#15661688
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35772) - you deserved it (3148)

On 04/06/2011 at 3:43am - misc - by faza4327 (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19808) - you deserved it (32850)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

#15661071
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9349) - you deserved it (32247)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:19am - misc - by American idol -

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30221) - you deserved it (10271)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

#15650058
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26945) - you deserved it (6053)

On 04/05/2011 at 11:25am - misc - by why - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at a band concert with 500 other people. The song they were performing stopped, and I loved it so much I stood up and clapped. Everyone stared, while I slowly realized the song wasn't over. FML

#15649522
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11418) - you deserved it (30847)

On 04/05/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by RedFace (woman) - United States

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

#15647820
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10772) - you deserved it (40179)

On 04/05/2011 at 3:47am - misc - by stairmaster -



FML's blog

  • Gragrou's illustrated FML
  • One day, cats will rule the world, but not today, there's a bit of tin foil stuck under the couch. The Internet and cats is quite the love story, everybody knows that. A very serious study that was done…

Friday 26 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: