Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 04/30/2015 at 8:09am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 18410
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.


Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>kuppaz16</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 5:22pm<b>Venister</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 1:49am<b>blakeced</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 2:34pm<b>Kurisuten</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 12:53am<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 5:51am<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:15am<b>americanafrican</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 4:08am<b>theBalloonPerson</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 3:02am<b>psychedelicdezzy</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 12:33pm<b>Red_Brooks</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 4:05pm<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 9:22pm<b>Psychotique</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 9:09pm<b>HairyPunisher</b> - the 08/16/2015 at 10:10am<b>jessenia123</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 1:35am<b>Camwentz</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:48am<b>Soccerboi15</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 4:20pm<b>wantmeasandwich</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 10:23am<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 11:06am

Fucked!<b>theBalloonPerson</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 9:02am<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 6:20pm<b>truecowboy</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 6:10am

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Grand_Cookie's badges

Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53260) - you deserved it (3958)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59852) - you deserved it (7073)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47870) - you deserved it (3207)

On 07/16/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48763) - you deserved it (4600)

On 07/04/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45884) - you deserved it (3402)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50777) - you deserved it (10568)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51875) - you deserved it (3391)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50569) - you deserved it (2769)

On 06/29/2013 at 5:55am - misc - by Angry and Confused - United States (Nevada)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52194) - you deserved it (3000)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML


I agree, your life sucks (83765) - you deserved it (7648)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML


I agree, your life sucks (62207) - you deserved it (4101)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML


I agree, your life sucks (72800) - you deserved it (6934)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43547) - you deserved it (4632)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52288) - you deserved it (5219)

On 06/12/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by firestar772 - United States (California)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML
  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: