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Grand_Cookie

Offline (the 08/22/2014 at 7:56am) | Search for a member

Grand_Cookie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9497
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Grand_Cookie : I'm the gorilla, so don't ask.

Blah blah blah, random facts about me. Blah blah blah, other stuff i like. Blah blah blah, some inspirational quote. Blah blah, purple unicorns, blah.

Redheads>Jesus

Grand_Cookie's page activity

Visits<b>normal_shy_kid</b> - 11 hours ago<b>jonjonguapito</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 12:25am<b>abattior</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 5:10pm<b>hai_baylee_here</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 5:51pm<b>oldmanringo</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:09pm<b>NotAUser</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 1:33pm<b>bubblesBVB61113</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:29am<b>pj6444</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:22pm<b>JackDaddy13</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:01am<b>__juanito__</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 2:18am<b>zearow</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:33am<b>hopsinlove17</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 11:12pm<b>Dramori</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 10:38am<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/24/2014 at 2:49pm<b>sc0583</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 9:04pm<b>iamvanellope</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 5:34pm<b>rks01</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 12:34pm<b>blu8</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 11:57am

Grand_Cookie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Grand_Cookie's badges

Grand_Cookie's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20310) - you deserved it (1903)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21131) - you deserved it (2299)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33135) - you deserved it (4956)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

#20167793
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30603) - you deserved it (3144)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

#20164798
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27261) - you deserved it (2255)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

#20164794
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23834) - you deserved it (2770)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:40pm - misc - by needanewride - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47214) - you deserved it (5999)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19588) - you deserved it (1946)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

#20161493
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21682) - you deserved it (4576)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, after working out and feeling really confident, I entered a mixed wrestling competition. My first match was against a woman who was over a foot taller than me. She managed to easily lift me over her head and toss me out of the ring within seconds. Confidence: gone. FML

#20160946
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15853) - you deserved it (6675)

On 11/12/2012 at 8:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38740) - you deserved it (2696)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18413) - you deserved it (1498)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

#20159802
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (1332)

On 11/11/2012 at 11:30pm - misc - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, due to a health insurance mix up, my schizophrenic girlfriend has been off her meds for a little over a week. She's convinced I can read her mind, and if I don't stop "pretending" she'll slit my throat in my sleep. Her medication won't be available for at least another two weeks. FML

#20159457
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23625) - you deserved it (2231)

On 11/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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