About Goldenchest : Not many people appreciate bowties and fezzes as much as I do.
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Goldenchest's favorite FMLs
Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm / United Kingdom (Derry) / Miscellaneous
by Huedadaa / 10/18/2013 at 8:05pm / France (Picardie) / Kids
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
by DocBastard, meet DocCunt / 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML
by Quasimodo / 10/18/2013 at 8:40am / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
by madden2014 / 09/19/2013 at 6:23pm / United States (California) / Work
by BarryShitpeas / 09/19/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Health
by Stripes_And_Dots / 09/14/2013 at 2:26am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML
by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD / 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
by ellen77 / 09/13/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Work
by ugh Buck! / 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm / United States / Animals
by Iskylite / 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 9:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I found out that apparently I'm in Miami. I am also enjoying a five-star hotel and all of its services. Only one problem: I'm still here, stuck in a small suburban town. F*ck identity theft. FML
by iwannagotomiamitoo / 08/19/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/12/2013 at 10:54pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my phone fell from the table. I desperately tried to catch it with my foot, but I completely… Today, I had a job interview. I also slept in late, my car doesn't work and my brother canceled on… Today, I got home from a double shift to find my husband in bed with my sister. Also, I found out I…