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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Mobility
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Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48222) - you deserved it (4389)
On 05/17/2013 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Varmlands Lan)
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48626) - you deserved it (5699)
On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I decided to be playful and leave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates from an "Anonymous Admirer". She immediately dumped me, saying she couldn't be with someone who "isn't even as romantic as a stranger". Yep, I think I just got dumped for myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49234) - you deserved it (6640)
On 04/23/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by BestBF - United States (Nebraska)
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52542) - you deserved it (6819)
On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37658) - you deserved it (2755)
On 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by flea-bitten (woman) - United States
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28655) - you deserved it (13591)
On 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52513) - you deserved it (11026)
On 03/28/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by everyoneheard (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20169) - you deserved it (36345)
On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33594) - you deserved it (7839)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25028) - you deserved it (2688)
On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38219) - you deserved it (2970)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:29am - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30356) - you deserved it (2664)
On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33331) - you deserved it (3162)
On 12/26/2012 at 12:25pm - love - by annie_nk (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37691) - you deserved it (4200)
On 12/22/2012 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by orgasmicriding (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16518) - you deserved it (1942)
On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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