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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25968) - you deserved it (3491)
On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21860) - you deserved it (36768)
On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46713) - you deserved it (12011)
On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said "Here, you're repaid." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27331) - you deserved it (30047)
On 08/30/2009 at 8:19am - love - by regected (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36249) - you deserved it (6501)
On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the door, my boyfriend greeted me with a "Hey, honey! Could you clean the crockpot?" It still had the chicken in it from my going away dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32142) - you deserved it (2406)
On 08/29/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by ClydeBarrow - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36092) - you deserved it (2538)
On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36092) - you deserved it (2538)
On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11146) - you deserved it (43266)
On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9622) - you deserved it (48886)
On 08/29/2009 at 11:13am - love - by coolhand (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41489) - you deserved it (1981)
On 08/29/2009 at 8:13am - misc - by Jonnyboo (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54600) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18328) - you deserved it (40789)
On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42552) - you deserved it (1627)
On 08/28/2009 at 10:56am - misc - by wtfman101 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the doctor about my bruised runners toes. She was inexperienced when It came to athletic injuries, so she googled my condition. I just paid to have her tell me exactly what I had already just googled before I left for my appointment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35174) - you deserved it (3782)
On 08/28/2009 at 9:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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