Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

GOLD3NxWARRIOR

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

GOLD3NxWARRIOR

0Liked!

GOLD3NxWARRIORGOLD3NxWARRIOR
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4469
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About GOLD3NxWARRIOR : Drive the best, sure as hell ain't driving like the rest

GOLD3NxWARRIOR's page activity

Visits<b>Raleaf</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 8:48pm<b>fistingeggplant</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 12:05am<b>mmmmKatie</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 10:53pm<b>colby6666</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 10:49pm<b>OnePLAN</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 6:52pm<b>camimarvez1</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 11:53am<b>savygirl367</b> - the 04/03/2014 at 8:43pm<b>rabidunicorn</b> - the 02/14/2014 at 12:51am<b>Janiney</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 8:24am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 5:05am<b>grogers311</b> - the 12/06/2013 at 2:50pm<b>adrianramz69</b> - the 11/09/2013 at 9:29pm<b>LAUREN_1053</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 8:54pm<b>InfernoVivo</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 2:06am<b>whowantstoknow12</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 8:08am<b>grimrepa2007</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 1:04am<b>TM24D</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 1:01pm<b>SolarFlare</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 12:32pm

GOLD3NxWARRIOR's FML badges

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of GOLD3NxWARRIOR's badges

GOLD3NxWARRIOR's favorite FMLs

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

#21265697
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30808) - you deserved it (5756)

On 09/26/2014 at 9:03am - work - by dicksonthebrain (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML

#21262395
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (327) - you deserved it (7853)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:33am - intimacy - by royallymessedup - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

#21262210
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37855) - you deserved it (9764)

On 09/21/2014 at 1:11am - intimacy - by RuinedTheMood (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (2828)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41306) - you deserved it (3213)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

#21245451
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50615) - you deserved it (9727)

On 08/25/2014 at 10:37pm - health - by whotouchedyou1 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

#21243834
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49397) - you deserved it (5610)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45669) - you deserved it (7603)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48567) - you deserved it (7748)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47772) - you deserved it (5549)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

#21233355
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49775) - you deserved it (19627)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

#21231531
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33577) - you deserved it (4610)

On 08/07/2014 at 4:23am - money - by MoMoneyMoProblems (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34252) - you deserved it (3897)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49120) - you deserved it (21236)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: