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FlamingMachete

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FlamingMachete

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 865
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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FlamingMachete's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:22pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 03/12/2011 at 5:05pm<b>fluffingclouds</b> - the 01/31/2011 at 5:19pm<b>FrownieFaces</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:09pm<b>IneffableLullaby</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:41am<b>lacubanajuana</b> - the 01/02/2011 at 6:39pm<b>Zmeilerr</b> - the 12/31/2010 at 3:09pm

FlamingMachete's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of FlamingMachete's badges

FlamingMachete's favorite FMLs

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

#7154032
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30958) - you deserved it (8478)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm - animals - by poordog (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

#7124750
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9177) - you deserved it (22811)

On 01/03/2010 at 11:40am - intimacy - by grounded (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

#6934352
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7441) - you deserved it (48776)

On 12/25/2009 at 3:10am - work - by harrassment101 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24397) - you deserved it (10688)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

#6727065
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23246) - you deserved it (12325)

On 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm - kids - by ljjprchf (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

#6391175
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31282) - you deserved it (24105)

On 11/21/2009 at 4:44pm - love - by frootloops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

#5996462
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34193) - you deserved it (4408)

On 10/25/2009 at 8:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

#5868589
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41992) - you deserved it (4446)

On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7779) - you deserved it (56526)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML

#4921754
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (8397)

On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

#4874486
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45985) - you deserved it (6204)

On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35038) - you deserved it (78821)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

#3468815
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57347) - you deserved it (2943)

On 07/04/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by noyodel (woman) - Italy

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
825 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32627) - you deserved it (301893)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)



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