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FlamingMachete

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FlamingMachete

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 739
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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FlamingMachete's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:22pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 03/12/2011 at 5:05pm<b>fluffingclouds</b> - the 01/31/2011 at 5:19pm<b>FrownieFaces</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:09pm<b>IneffableLullaby</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:41am<b>lacubanajuana</b> - the 01/02/2011 at 6:39pm<b>Zmeilerr</b> - the 12/31/2010 at 3:09pm

FlamingMachete's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of FlamingMachete's badges

FlamingMachete's favorite FMLs

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

#14738365
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42278) - you deserved it (5209)

On 01/27/2011 at 11:35pm - misc - by Scaredwitless (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

#14677100
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32945) - you deserved it (12289)

On 01/22/2011 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

#14659588
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12704) - you deserved it (24317)

On 01/21/2011 at 6:41am - love - by gummy bear -

Today, I wrote a mental note: don't tell a couple of nuns that you used black magic to fix their computer. Then don't tell the story to your boss just as the nuns walk back in again. Then don't say "speak of the devil" to them. FML

#14647834
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8936) - you deserved it (30691)

On 01/20/2011 at 5:55am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

#14614725
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57301) - you deserved it (5903) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Belgium - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

#14610612
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41664) - you deserved it (2826) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30256) - you deserved it (19766) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML

#13274886
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21673) - you deserved it (27240)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sneeze really bad in a restaurant. To avoid sneezing on everybody's food, I turned my head to the side and sneezed, it just so happens a waitress was there serving a table. My nose went straight into her ass. FML

#13274666
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24471) - you deserved it (5074)

On 10/01/2010 at 9:06am - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11820) - you deserved it (66006)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13398) - you deserved it (48820)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He also decided the best way to end our relationship was to kill me and our virtual child on The Sims 3 by setting us on fire. FML

#12617958
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35819) - you deserved it (6196)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:26am - love - by Single - United States (California)

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

#11264339
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32622) - you deserved it (4368)

On 06/17/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by katiebabby - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46217) - you deserved it (7446)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

#7179468
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41832) - you deserved it (1913)

On 01/06/2010 at 9:55am - misc - by driver (man) - United States (Illinois)



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