FlamingMachete

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FlamingMachete

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1481
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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FlamingMachete's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:22pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 03/12/2011 at 5:05pm<b>FrownieFaces</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:09pm<b>IneffableLullaby</b> - the 01/17/2011 at 2:41am<b>lacubanajuana</b> - the 01/02/2011 at 6:39pm<b>Zmeilerr</b> - the 12/31/2010 at 3:09pm

FlamingMachete's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of FlamingMachete's badges

FlamingMachete's favorite FMLs

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

by MacGrouber / 03/16/2011 at 8:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

by WTF / 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

by thisblows / 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

by greenchan / 02/25/2011 at 12:12am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I started my community service at the dog pound. I like animals so I thought it would be a good place to do it. As I arrived they were throwing dogs that had been euthanized into a dump truck to be taken to a landfill. That was my job for the day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2011 at 10:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I made the discovery that I'm in a true love triangle; both of my girlfriends are dating one another. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2011 at 11:52am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML

by Anon. / 02/07/2011 at 12:44pm / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

by Raprotcommander / 02/07/2011 at 10:47am / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I spent most of the day doing a project for school. When I finished, I got a call from my project partner. She couldn't finish her part because her internet didn't work. When I finally finished everything, I went on Facebook. She was on Facebook too. FML

by peachmelba / 02/01/2011 at 3:26pm / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw and wearing hockey masks. FML

by unlucky dudebag / 01/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

by FamilySecret / 01/29/2011 at 1:55am / United States / Intimacy