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Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (4377)
On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33370) - you deserved it (3931)
On 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37728) - you deserved it (2941)
On 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm - misc - by KaySchrages92 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18437) - you deserved it (3105)
On 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I found out the hard way that everyone in my dorm knows I watch My Little Pony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8734) - you deserved it (26256)
On 10/22/2011 at 4:25pm - work - by Brony - United States (Ohio)
Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33825) - you deserved it (4138)
On 10/19/2011 at 2:19pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36765) - you deserved it (2614)
On 10/17/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by pokeballbra - United States (Texas)
Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14017) - you deserved it (1648)
On 10/14/2011 at 7:22am - love - by Jessy - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29918) - you deserved it (22081)
On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (1765)
On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19558) - you deserved it (2295)
On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25288) - you deserved it (4145)
On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22320) - you deserved it (12730)
On 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mother said I am slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution: buying me a vibrator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20313) - you deserved it (5138)
On 09/23/2011 at 2:16am - intimacy - by kdmoney - United States (California)
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47973) - you deserved it (4816)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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