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Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18821) - you deserved it (1706)
On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
I agree, your life sucks (19008) - you deserved it (2087)
Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28238) - you deserved it (2262)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States
Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47964) - you deserved it (3722)
On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8446) - you deserved it (21142)
On 01/25/2012 at 12:00am - intimacy - by talkingtoaretard (man) - United States (California)
Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17280) - you deserved it (333)
On 01/23/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by unholy shit (man) - United States
Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15564) - you deserved it (3064)
On 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm - misc - by 2gewd4u - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10312) - you deserved it (22513)
On 01/11/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by bunnyluver4545 - United States (Texas)
Today, my distraught mom called me, saying my dad had killed himself and to come home right away. After cussing out my math teacher for trying to stop me and rushing back home in a taxi, I ran into the living room, only to find my parents laughing so hard they were practically in tears. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55490) - you deserved it (2255)
On 01/09/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by fuckparents (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML
I agree, your life sucks (20281) - you deserved it (3169)
On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25185) - you deserved it (6978)
On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10130) - you deserved it (30095)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31536) - you deserved it (4511)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23541) - you deserved it (3029)
On 11/30/2011 at 9:57am - love - by preggers - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22038) - you deserved it (3642)
On 11/16/2011 at 8:47am - misc - by jdancerchick - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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