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Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16031) - you deserved it (1400)
On 04/23/2012 at 1:50am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20797) - you deserved it (7967)
On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20602) - you deserved it (2994)
On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML
I agree, your life sucks (11957) - you deserved it (2646)
On 04/18/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by amazed (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14238) - you deserved it (24853)
On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (40028) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11632) - you deserved it (29657)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28412) - you deserved it (1882)
On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16587) - you deserved it (1503)
On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19365) - you deserved it (4492)
On 04/04/2012 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by KatieB (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21178) - you deserved it (2366)
On 03/18/2012 at 2:01am - misc - by jamboooy (man) - United States (California)
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8087) - you deserved it (21622)
On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States
Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7558) - you deserved it (19225)
On 02/29/2012 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by cfaul001 - United States (Texas)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13978) - you deserved it (20611)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20778) - you deserved it (2530)
On 02/19/2012 at 9:42pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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