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Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19189) - you deserved it (2078)
On 09/14/2011 at 2:50pm - work - by kareltje (man) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25388) - you deserved it (3934)
On 09/14/2011 at 7:06am - misc - by funnymanjoe - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16603) - you deserved it (5109)
On 09/11/2011 at 10:50pm - misc - by COCKYmanUSC - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (2035)
On 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm - health - by sadddddd (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7013) - you deserved it (26200)
On 09/09/2011 at 8:10am - love - by Kevin (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I went to my favorite drive-in burger joint for dinner. As I was nearing the end of my burger, I grabbed a cup from the cup holder that I thought was filled with soda. Instead, I got a mouthful of dip spit that a friend left in my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22785) - you deserved it (5180)
On 09/08/2011 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21452) - you deserved it (7074)
On 09/05/2011 at 1:04pm - kids - by kidswithnomanners (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28906) - you deserved it (7065)
On 09/04/2011 at 5:36am - intimacy - by southernluxe - United States
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (5908)
On 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm - work - by Andrew - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38158) - you deserved it (1526)
On 08/21/2011 at 1:51am - animals - by Dogless - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19465) - you deserved it (1666)
On 08/19/2011 at 2:59pm - misc - by bandit99999 - United States (Virginia)
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28322) - you deserved it (5111)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - United States
Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27200) - you deserved it (2045)
On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29616) - you deserved it (1889)
On 08/14/2011 at 8:47pm - work - by theultimatesalonfail - United States
Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (1812)
On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 20 May 2013
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