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Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44957) - you totally deserved it (2779)
On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30751) - you totally deserved it (1419)
On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9529) - you totally deserved it (55547)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML
I agree, your life sucks (32521) - you totally deserved it (10524)
On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33636) - you totally deserved it (1906)
On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML
I agree, your life sucks (55035) - you totally deserved it (3603)
On 05/09/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37164) - you totally deserved it (2744)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8657) - you totally deserved it (74649)
On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11861) - you totally deserved it (69825)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34085) - you totally deserved it (9599)
On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7973) - you totally deserved it (111143)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off of the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and an bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $24,000 in bills. Really. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77322) - you totally deserved it (7394)
On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a random girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44363) - you totally deserved it (5678)
On 04/30/2009 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (114674) - you totally deserved it (3779)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went shopping at Macy's for swimsuits with my mom. I told my mom that I hated all the suits there, and that I wanted to get them at Dick's Sporting Goods. My mother then said, in a loud voice, "STOP BEING SO OBSESSED WITH DICKS!" Half the store stared at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60837) - you totally deserved it (6713)
On 04/23/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by jpr11011 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
