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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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FMLwin

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FMLwin
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8487
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005 (337)

I agree, your life sucks (51590) - you deserved it (3505)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

#2299417 (53)

I agree, your life sucks (33691) - you deserved it (1759)

On 05/26/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by Allen (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709 (319)

I agree, your life sucks (11676) - you deserved it (63780)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

#2043522 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (36026) - you deserved it (11933)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:45am - love - by oops (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

#1971968 (63)

I agree, your life sucks (37989) - you deserved it (2458)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

#1782670 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (62387) - you deserved it (4461)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

#1773793 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (41110) - you deserved it (3263)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

#1694446 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (11311) - you deserved it (87538)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

#1683543 (544)

I agree, your life sucks (15211) - you deserved it (82645)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (38184) - you deserved it (11633)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (16782) - you deserved it (167587)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off of the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and an bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778 (404)

I agree, your life sucks (111595) - you deserved it (13897)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a random girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

#1500727 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (48500) - you deserved it (6448)

On 04/30/2009 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

#1415688 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (143548) - you deserved it (5819)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

#731686 (107)

I agree, your life sucks (51904) - you deserved it (4262)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)