I'm a Twilight and Harry Potter freak. I love to edit stuff in photoshop and write stories. School sucks so I'm happy to be out of it for a while. I'm moving for the third time in my life and leaving all my best friends I've made in three years.
Today, I got stuck in an elevator for 45 minutes. I am an elevator mechanic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25829) - you totally deserved it (3640)
On 09/10/2009 at 2:02am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML
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On 09/10/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Embarassed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, naked myself as it seemed convenient. He disapproved, proceeding to scratch my manparts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen manparts, and an 8" needle hole in my butt where I had to get antibiotics. FML
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On 09/03/2009 at 3:55pm - health - by keeperstride (man) - United States (California)
Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML
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On 09/01/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by mrboston (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
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On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
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On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML
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On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML
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On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by mynickhuh (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML
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On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML
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On 03/23/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by VinnyGoombots (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
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On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
