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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20460) - you deserved it (3480)
On 02/28/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Username -
Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39644) - you deserved it (2878)
On 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (Wyoming)
Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23294) - you deserved it (3210)
On 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36314) - you deserved it (14196)
On 02/25/2011 at 12:12am - intimacy - by greenchan (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (24843) - you deserved it (12485)
On 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm - intimacy - by Animal (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23968) - you deserved it (4126)
On 02/23/2011 at 11:04am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16851) - you deserved it (31085)
On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)
Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23184) - you deserved it (3266)
On 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (3290)
On 02/22/2011 at 7:27pm - love - by Shropintz (woman) - United States
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33016) - you deserved it (6660)
On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88848) - you deserved it (52481)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121984) - you deserved it (29417)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (233245) - you deserved it (20075)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (372923) - you deserved it (412966)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (293211) - you deserved it (57604)
On 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
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