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Mobility
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Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31454) - you deserved it (1341)
On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25304) - you deserved it (3493)
On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States
Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27145) - you deserved it (2823)
On 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by papersofdivorce (man) - Peru (Lima)
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29524) - you deserved it (2051)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9054) - you deserved it (28940)
On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I got into an argument with my wife. We had gotten our son an Xbox and two games for his birthday. Since he was ungratefully bitching about it, I made him return it and donate the money to charity. He told her that I hit him, took his present and pawned it for beer. She doesn't believe me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (2997)
On 01/30/2013 at 6:23pm - kids - by XboxDad (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28674) - you deserved it (2883)
On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22699) - you deserved it (1487)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25492) - you deserved it (3119)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24455) - you deserved it (6398)
On 01/29/2013 at 5:56pm - health - by fatty milkshakes - United States
Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22679) - you deserved it (1665)
On 01/29/2013 at 5:46pm - love - by Aspireworks - United States
Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25352) - you deserved it (3097) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28597) - you deserved it (2050)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (2323)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30697) - you deserved it (14302)
On 01/29/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by ohfuckwaffles (man) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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