Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About EvanescenceLuver : Hey people! As my name states, I love Evanescence! But I love other bands too! I had a hard time choosing between Avenged Sevenfold, The Used, or Three Days Grace (My all-time FAV band). I turned 15 just a little while ago, and I love to draw and write. I'm good at both too, yay! XD I wish I could say that I drew my profile pic, but alas, I cannot. T_T FML wouldn't let me upload the pics I drew, since they were done on paint, but oh well!
So like, what else am I supposed to put on here...?
Um... I'd join the National Guard if I could, but they won't take me cause I have a mental disorder... Lol, isn't it funny that we can tell people shit like that (mental disorder part) on the internet, but won't admit it to our own friends and family?
Also... The glass is not half-full. The glass is not half-empty. THE GLASS DOES NOT HAVE AS MUCH FUCKING WATER AS IT SHOULD, SO EITHER DRINK IT OR FILL IT UP, MORONS! GAWD. Quit freaking debating it!
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML
Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML
Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML
Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML
Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML
Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML
Monday 5 October 2015