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EscapeHorse

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EscapeHorse
  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 207
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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EscapeHorse's favorite FMLs

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

#20985281
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49631) - you deserved it (2360)

On 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm - kids - by OakStake (man) - United States (New York)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60826) - you deserved it (4211)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my boss' son is training to take over my job as head translator, after having convinced his dad that he's fluent in Spanish, and that my skills suck. I soon walked in on him using Google Translate on a legal document. My boss refuses to believe me. FML

#20898132
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (2462)

On 09/27/2013 at 3:41pm - work - by anahira6 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML

#20894123
165 comments

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

#20894007
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39538) - you deserved it (2555)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:14am - work - by DimeShapedBruise (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

#20892490
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49126) - you deserved it (7055)

On 09/23/2013 at 12:44am - kids - by baddad (man) - United States

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16436) - you deserved it (83332)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50150) - you deserved it (25049)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52860) - you deserved it (2735)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing hysterically, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36095) - you deserved it (2464)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17110) - you deserved it (123281)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

#20861161
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36991) - you deserved it (2154)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by Tag (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, I spent five hours in the ER with my 75-year-old grandma. Why? Because she attacked an old lady and punched a nurse in the face, kicked him in the balls, and jumped on his back and choked him. She had five guards holding her down and is now convinced they are trying to kill her. FML

#20846626
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (2263)

On 08/20/2013 at 5:16pm - health - by Oh Grandma... - United States (Ohio)



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