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This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17685) - you deserved it (1667)
On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States
Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6027) - you deserved it (1659)
On 01/24/2012 at 5:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29396) - you deserved it (2442)
On 09/03/2011 at 12:48am - intimacy - by BlootheBawss - United States (Florida)
Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20806) - you deserved it (3893)
On 08/21/2011 at 2:23pm - animals - by xXangelaXx - United States
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (6618)
On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15615) - you deserved it (37760)
On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9430) - you deserved it (42039)
On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40985) - you deserved it (5620)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10677) - you deserved it (40347)
On 05/28/2011 at 5:24am - intimacy - by redhanded (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30315) - you deserved it (7425)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47756) - you deserved it (8176)
On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11765) - you deserved it (16439)
On 11/25/2010 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23617) - you deserved it (3258)
On 11/13/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)
Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (7192)
On 09/12/2010 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I turned the shower on the hottest setting so it would warm up quickly. I started to sing and dance around the bathroom. I got too carried away and pelvic thrusted the water, which I hadn't turned back down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4894) - you deserved it (30345)
On 08/14/2010 at 2:27am - health - by Fire_Crotch (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
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