About Epic_Fail911 : ....
Epic_Fail911's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Epic_Fail911's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by loser / 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I bought a non-refundable $200 plane ticket to Ohio to be with my girlfriend who moved there… Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning… Today, I was excited to finally leave for Minnesota to visit the college of my dreams. I drove two…