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Encutielucie's favorite FMLs
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML
by SoCalStoopid / 09/09/2011 at 5:17pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/09/2011 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health
by Kevin / 09/09/2011 at 8:10am / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML
by D / 09/09/2011 at 5:59am / United Kingdom / Animals
by Mark / 09/09/2011 at 12:51am / United States (Washington) / Transportation
Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML
by Krystyn Gareau / 09/09/2011 at 12:10am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML
by Not_you17 / 09/09/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML
by monochrometea / 09/08/2011 at 10:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML
by waj9876 / 09/08/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by blahhlovely_30 / 03/09/2011 at 3:03pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by anonymouse / 03/09/2011 at 2:37pm / Reserved / Intimacy
by crazystar69 / 03/09/2011 at 1:19pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney…
- Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while,… Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even… Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses…