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Dzra898's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML
by :$ / 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 10:13pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML
by Jacqueline / 07/01/2012 at 4:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 2:47pm / United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 11:24pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Kids
Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML
by stupidity / 05/25/2012 at 3:30pm / Switzerland (Geneve) / Miscellaneous
by whinywiper / 05/25/2012 at 11:10am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
by Karate Kid / 05/25/2012 at 2:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/24/2012 at 12:59am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 5:14pm / United States / Money
Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML
by shanxi / 05/23/2012 at 2:47pm / United States / Health
Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 1:20pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Love
by Fire0fisis / 05/23/2012 at 5:38am / Hong Kong / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…