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Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20685) - you deserved it (2011)
On 12/29/2012 at 8:01pm - work - by nose hurts (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20131) - you deserved it (2116)
On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64249) - you deserved it (15802)
On 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by valnaj1 (woman) - Denmark (Syddanmark)
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34280) - you deserved it (16289)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32556) - you deserved it (8446)
On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29776) - you deserved it (9024)
On 12/22/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by brunetteshavemorefun (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27595) - you deserved it (9445)
On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27109) - you deserved it (14052)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)
Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8641) - you deserved it (42036)
On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)
Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46512) - you deserved it (2641)
On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, a friend informed me that my dog's name means "penis" in Greek. I live in a predominantly Greek neighbourhood, and apparently I've been screaming for "dong" every evening for the past 3 years. No wonder they don't talk to me much. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25196) - you deserved it (7593)
On 12/18/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by Dog_Lover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25404) - you deserved it (6397)
On 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Ape (woman) - United States
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30376) - you deserved it (2975)
On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -
Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24951) - you deserved it (4514)
On 12/17/2012 at 11:21am - kids - by Bonding_boys (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25002) - you deserved it (9326)
On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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