About Drunkenness : I'm drunk and awesome.
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Drunkenness's favorite FMLs
Today, after supporting my girlfriend for over a year in her endeavour to lose weight, exercise more, and eat better, my now-slender girlfriend dumped me. Because now she find someone better than me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 3:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML
by hé merde / 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
by arse of fire :( / 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Slough) / Health
Today, after nearly six weeks of seeing a nice girl, we finally decided to make it official. Two hours later, she pulled out a bridal magazine and not-so-casually asked me which wedding location I thought was the nicest. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 12:14pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous
by Display / 09/27/2012 at 12:10am / Health
by Nick / 01/26/2010 at 4:26pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
by xero_art / 06/26/2009 at 5:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Money
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
by zero_minded12 / 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
by meteorbabe0101 / 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm / United States (Michigan) / Health
by KAAALIS / 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm / United States (New York) / Love
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous