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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52167) - you deserved it (5627)
On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72609) - you deserved it (10080)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55401) - you deserved it (10553)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31301) - you deserved it (49263)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50246) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (276817) - you deserved it (23327)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56317) - you deserved it (13312)
On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189426) - you deserved it (21126)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13869) - you deserved it (38061)
On 02/27/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by paige (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21545) - you deserved it (6899)
On 01/19/2009 at 5:26am - money - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)
Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18436) - you deserved it (80594)
On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -
Monday 20 May 2013
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