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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23458) - you deserved it (2702)
On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54343) - you deserved it (4980)
On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19674) - you deserved it (39444)
On 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7419) - you deserved it (91297)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30174) - you deserved it (24886)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (2742)
On 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm - misc - by BackToRehab - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22608) - you deserved it (2797)
On 02/01/2011 at 1:37am - misc - by Stormbringer -
Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8633) - you deserved it (39060)
On 12/28/2010 at 9:13pm - health - by ewicsmelly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24035) - you deserved it (7012)
On 12/27/2010 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5698) - you deserved it (64431)
On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20912) - you deserved it (9433)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28519) - you deserved it (2024)
On 12/22/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by sadcinderella (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50328) - you deserved it (2660)
On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I had nothing better to do than make a penis out of silly putty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7900) - you deserved it (24849)
On 11/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38594) - you deserved it (10703)
On 09/19/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by josh (man) - United States (Virginia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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