About Doortje : Best cupcake ever.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I'd be sitting next to wafting the smell of her vagina towards herself and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33424) - you deserved it (2638)
On 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (2308)
On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia
Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18765) - you deserved it (15979)
On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML
I agree, your life sucks (91465) - you deserved it (10767)
On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (8030)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82684) - you deserved it (3840)
On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19884) - you deserved it (1450)
On 12/12/2010 at 9:36pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (3162)
On 12/12/2010 at 4:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I woke up really tired after a night of just two hours sleep. The reason? The mall across the street forgot to turn off their music. It played Christmas songs all night. Loud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12754) - you deserved it (1396)
On 12/12/2010 at 6:37am - misc - by Doortje (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30258) - you deserved it (49777)
On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44146) - you deserved it (2916)
On 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24887) - you deserved it (3008)
On 12/08/2010 at 3:22am - intimacy - by ooblie (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29143) - you deserved it (4146)
On 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60545) - you deserved it (3716)
On 11/30/2010 at 2:10pm - health - by Anonymous - Ireland (Monaghan)
Today, I discovered my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27129) - you deserved it (1963)
On 11/26/2010 at 7:23pm - misc - by bleh (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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