About Doortje : Best cupcake ever.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (2007)
On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)
Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you deserved it (2007)
On 07/17/2011 at 8:34am - love - by bigjohn106 - United States (Maryland)
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33972) - you deserved it (3820)
On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24818) - you deserved it (79152)
On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41134) - you deserved it (10420)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35960) - you deserved it (2701)
On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62962) - you deserved it (5692)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was invited over to a dinner with the CEOs of my company, along with my two children. My 3 year-old asked loudly why we have two "nose holes", to which my 4 year-old son replied "So you can pick your nose and still breathe!" He then demonstrated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24719) - you deserved it (4862)
On 07/13/2011 at 12:43am - kids - by ohno - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16956) - you deserved it (11631)
On 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28996) - you deserved it (3530)
On 06/30/2011 at 1:44pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28681) - you deserved it (7252)
On 06/26/2011 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, on the bus, a delusional old man had an extremely long conversation with me, referring to me as "Leslie" and talking about "our childhood together". Not wanting to hurt his feelings I played along. At his stop he got up and grinned at me, saying "I'm kidding. I never knew a Leslie in my life. Nice rack." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32661) - you deserved it (11851)
On 06/26/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (6588)
On 06/05/2011 at 2:48am - intimacy - by e_edge (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45449) - you deserved it (13597)
On 05/25/2011 at 4:23am - intimacy - by katie -
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51246) - you deserved it (7802)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
