About DonULFonso : The first 40 years of growing up were the hardest - since then it's a bit easier ;) ...
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DonULFonso's favorite FMLs
by Anoymous / 06/09/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML
by Anonymous / 06/06/2013 at 12:32pm / Senegal / Miscellaneous
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by wtf mom / 05/31/2013 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
by paulinapo / 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anonymoose / 05/29/2013 at 8:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Love
by festival virgin / 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML
by MsAnonymous17 / 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in bed with my fiancé. After a while of quiet cuddling, I said, "Babe, I have cold feet." He replied with, "Me too. Let's call off the wedding." I was talking about the actual temperature of my feet. Our wedding is tomorrow. FML
by anonymous / 05/26/2013 at 8:23am / Australia / Love
Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML
by lizzie / 05/25/2013 at 2:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML
by datgirl92 / 05/24/2013 at 10:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by a single fuck / 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm / Germany (Berlin) / Love
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…