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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19400) - you deserved it (61784)
On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36712) - you deserved it (3526)
On 05/09/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by jonboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32364) - you deserved it (21323)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16206) - you deserved it (84815)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:48am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (5694)
On 05/09/2009 at 3:05am - misc - by LaineyLove (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17429) - you deserved it (41329)
On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43270) - you deserved it (16487)
On 05/09/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Mandy - United States (California)
Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50066) - you deserved it (2667)
On 05/08/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44342) - you deserved it (3871)
On 05/08/2009 at 9:07pm - animals - by jamblasticus (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53339) - you deserved it (1935)
On 05/08/2009 at 7:17pm - work - by lover21 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39391) - you deserved it (15884)
On 05/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by ydahs (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67396) - you deserved it (17982)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I learned that no matter how much you assume that the crunchy bits in a bag of crisps are in fact crisps, you will occasionally find that your assumptions are wrong. Beetles just don't have the same appeal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36537) - you deserved it (3945)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (112462) - you deserved it (9402)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, on my last break, a lady comes up to me and asks if she could have a hug because I reminded her of her daughter that died in a car accident 3 years before. Touched, I called my mom to let her know that I loved her. Before I could tell her, she said it was probably a scam and hung up on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36535) - you deserved it (2013)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:22am - misc - by bumgirl - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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