Dimaranien

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Dimaranien

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 39893
  • Number of comments : 93
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Dimaranien's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 10:17pm<b>enotsaras</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:27pm<b>supertacowaffle</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 5:50pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 6:30pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 2:06pm<b>boricua_4life407</b> - the 10/18/2009 at 10:01pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 09/29/2009 at 11:36pm<b>Darrus</b> - the 07/11/2009 at 2:36am<b>urbanlegend105</b> - the 06/02/2009 at 3:59am<b>mphsgrl</b> - the 05/17/2009 at 8:47pm<b>jbat04</b> - the 05/07/2009 at 4:54am<b>tiger01</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 12:56am<b>FMLK1Pac</b> - the 05/03/2009 at 7:14pm<b>username666</b> - the 04/30/2009 at 10:52pm<b>chubs</b> - the 04/28/2009 at 10:39am<b>Sunol</b> - the 04/23/2009 at 8:47pm

Dimaranien's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Dimaranien's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML

by JSF1234 / 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

by Manatee / 05/11/2009 at 11:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the sh*t out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

by prevostsrocklike / 05/11/2009 at 8:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

by mistake / 05/11/2009 at 5:09am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'd just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML

by jokada / 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2009 at 4:36pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

by airport / 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

by chocofreak / 05/10/2009 at 6:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

by LadyLuck / 05/10/2009 at 1:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

by torchy / 05/10/2009 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

by Jeremy / 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

by jonboy / 05/09/2009 at 4:11pm / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 11:50am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Health