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Devitt94

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Devitt94

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  • Number of visits : 615
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Devitt94's page activity

Visits<b>ginasays</b> - the 01/06/2010 at 9:01pm

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Devitt94's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37879) - you deserved it (3363)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

#8124338
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43350) - you deserved it (3004)

On 02/11/2010 at 7:22am - misc - by Biological (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19412) - you deserved it (4582)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

#8083041
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24852) - you deserved it (7445)

On 02/10/2010 at 7:30am - misc - by muffingirl (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

#8052532
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11947) - you deserved it (23754)

On 02/09/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by kingmetal42 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

#8051668
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34687) - you deserved it (4504)

On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend of six months dumped me for his girlfriend on Grand Theft Auto because he was "tired of having to please two women at once." FML

#8026904
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28709) - you deserved it (3475)

On 02/08/2010 at 9:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

#8021510
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35773) - you deserved it (2547)

On 02/08/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by disasterbutton (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I visited my grandmother who has dementia. She thought I was my father, and told me that I should never have married my mother, let alone have had children with her. FML

#8012707
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (1717)

On 02/08/2010 at 2:30pm - misc - by dmachin - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

#7638803
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27310) - you deserved it (9739)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:59am - love - by thisucks (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

#7562154
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11046) - you deserved it (20422)

On 01/25/2010 at 1:33am - health - by nyu (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sparring with a guy in my Tae Kwon Do class. He had a hard-on the entire time we were sparring. FML

#7211389
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26703) - you deserved it (3456)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by snickerdoodles - Sent from mobile version

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

#6808651
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37369) - you deserved it (2532)

On 12/18/2009 at 9:31am - love - by cheaters_should_die (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my phonebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I then got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably the only one that would show up." Even my mom thinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded for 3 weeks. FML

#4052312
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9504) - you deserved it (80141)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by racchhh (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

#3376550
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41260) - you deserved it (17768)

On 06/30/2009 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by SimpleSimon (man) - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)



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