Demon_Squirtle

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Demon_Squirtle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 6 July 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 107649
  • Number of comments : 72
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About Demon_Squirtle : I love metal, horror movies, and art.

Demon_Squirtle's page activity

Visits<b>n_a_v_y</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 3:36pm<b>yonana</b> - the 11/17/2015 at 11:16pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 2:53pm<b>DeltaDragonxx</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:01pm<b>Kitty_Kat44</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:13am<b>ValVee92</b> - the 12/12/2014 at 8:20am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 12:24pm<b>Lanker</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 2:45pm<b>11bGrunT</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 1:17pm<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 7:56pm<b>rebellovesong</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 10:37am<b>melons</b> - the 03/01/2014 at 6:59pm<b>Demonking</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 8:30am<b>gej12345</b> - the 02/05/2014 at 3:42pm<b>phew</b> - the 02/01/2014 at 1:40pm<b>neonvortex</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 10:48am<b>Terzy</b> - the 01/21/2014 at 11:56pm<b>LokaS</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 8:03pm

Demon_Squirtle's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Demon_Squirtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML

by dearme / 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

by Anonymous / 05/26/2009 at 5:18am / Greece (Attiki) / Health

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

by tsakashvili / 05/26/2009 at 12:38am / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

by Tyler_Padgett / 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

by Clueless / 05/24/2009 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

by Ames / 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

by nana / 05/19/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

by badmom101 / 05/16/2009 at 7:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

by Failoffel / 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

by pissedoffandon / 05/06/2009 at 10:07am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

by mylifesucks123 / 05/03/2009 at 9:44am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation