About Demon_Squirtle : I love metal, horror movies, and art.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (48781)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13500) - you deserved it (164114)
On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was in my back yard and I saw my neighbours daughter choking on something. I ran over and gave her the heimlich maneuver. It turns out her friend was recording her while she was doing her drama project for school. I broke two of her ribs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40608) - you deserved it (11939)
On 05/27/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by Bob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48829) - you deserved it (2888)
On 05/26/2009 at 5:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (13114)
On 05/26/2009 at 12:38am - kids - by tsakashvili (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8893) - you deserved it (40717)
On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (42132)
On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44367) - you deserved it (1068)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm - love - by Ames (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52444) - you deserved it (6445)
On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickleing my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44605) - you deserved it (4459)
On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13595) - you deserved it (84661)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25777) - you deserved it (37274)
On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (67380) - you deserved it (17980)
On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11356) - you deserved it (51600)
On 05/06/2009 at 10:07am - animals - by pissedoffandon (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (207676) - you deserved it (10116)
On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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