I love metal, horror movies, and art.
Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31182) - you totally deserved it (2615)
On 07/16/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by kewlcat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
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On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50211) - you totally deserved it (3329)
On 06/24/2009 at 11:05pm - intimacy - by GettingNone - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53953) - you totally deserved it (2298)
On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML
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On 06/23/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Xtine (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38305) - you totally deserved it (3712)
On 06/22/2009 at 9:32am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
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On 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm - kids - by loli-conned (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML
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On 06/17/2009 at 12:35pm - misc - by NotSoYoung (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML
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On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - kids - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
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On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11230) - you totally deserved it (42970)
On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12744) - you totally deserved it (38417)
On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35516) - you totally deserved it (10768)
On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
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On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML
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On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
