Delanto

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Offline (the 08/27/2014 at 9:56pm)

Delanto

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 489
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Delanto's page activity

Visits<b>boricualuv</b> - the 03/05/2016 at 2:07am<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 2:10am<b>whelp777</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 12:06pm<b>RenoTheRhino</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 7:00pm<b>idance22</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 11:19pm<b>Franniee_</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 7:33pm<b>markcallanan_</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 4:27pm<b>cosmicriver</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 10:53pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 2:26am<b>hekkabekka</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 12:26am<b>imbackwiththeshi</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 11:02pm<b>lucifurby</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 2:55pm<b>wolflover164</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 11:58am<b>loveuajw</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:33am<b>cypherwars</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 3:50am<b>jake_braves</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:47am<b>theninjaseal</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 12:02am<b>megstiel</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 11:05pm

Delanto's FML badges

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.

See all of Delanto's badges

Delanto's favorite FMLs

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm / Japan (Hyogo) / Kids

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm / United States / Money

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

by Mr.no contacts / 03/31/2013 at 3:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

by shittysongs / 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

by Nico / 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm / Work

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

by bibou2324 / 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm / Work

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

by mperh / 05/28/2011 at 8:46am / United States / Transportation

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2009 at 8:32pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

by UH-OH / 03/15/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

by madfather / 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy