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Deathbat_Dino's favorite FMLs
by Username / 08/07/2011 at 5:44pm / United States / Love
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML
by lostforwords / 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm / Ireland (Tipperary) / Miscellaneous
by Thebestman123 / 08/04/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by SydIsPrettyCool / 08/04/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
by scully11 / 08/02/2011 at 2:36pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by vsf / 08/01/2011 at 8:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML
by Emma / 08/01/2011 at 5:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by brebre101 / 07/31/2011 at 5:05am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by The Joker? / 07/31/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Iowa) / Health
by ewww / 07/30/2011 at 10:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…