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DeathByVanilla's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML
by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals
by bull-stuff / 01/17/2013 at 10:48pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by Sydney / 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
by me / 06/08/2012 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Love
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm / Australia / Health
Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML
by OopsMonkey / 09/13/2011 at 9:43am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML
by pea / 09/12/2011 at 2:32pm / United States / Work
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
by CaseyFpC85 / 09/11/2011 at 11:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by dee / 07/03/2011 at 1:36am / United States / Kids
by shyshy96679 / 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2011 at 4:28am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous