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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14850) - you deserved it (15935)
On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up to a beautiful sunrise, the smell of bacon in a frying pan, and some dickhead trying to pick the lock on my front door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24634) - you deserved it (1821)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:14pm - misc - by Kingspin - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58106) - you deserved it (7321)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10689) - you deserved it (51739)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37881) - you deserved it (11855)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26444) - you deserved it (3605)
On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45521) - you deserved it (20382)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39955) - you deserved it (6218)
Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him 'meow' over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16811) - you deserved it (45629)
On 03/23/2011 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Fcuked (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59060) - you deserved it (11121)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47945) - you deserved it (4515)
On 03/22/2011 at 3:23am - animals - by negin -
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (20238)
On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27626) - you deserved it (23805)
On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25124) - you deserved it (39973)
On 03/21/2011 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by fffmmll - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25560) - you deserved it (7068)
On 03/20/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by embarassed - United States (New Jersey)
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