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Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18883) - you deserved it (1567)
On 11/05/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (3729)
On 10/27/2009 at 6:20am - love - by kahemae44 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36113) - you deserved it (2981)
On 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Twinner (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21992) - you deserved it (6960)
On 10/09/2009 at 2:48pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Greater London)
Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11336) - you deserved it (2522)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:20am - intimacy - by lauz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26367) - you deserved it (7394)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28366) - you deserved it (1894)
On 09/28/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by alliobamy (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I learned that "Je suis excité" does not mean "I'm excited" in French. It means "I'm sexually excited"... more or less. I've been doing a lot of exciting things and using it a lot the past two weeks. With my French friends, people I meet, and especially with my host family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26172) - you deserved it (9962)
On 09/21/2009 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9269) - you deserved it (37284)
On 09/17/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by nV1ous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23284) - you deserved it (14726)
On 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm - work - by jeph23 (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7128) - you deserved it (24292)
On 09/07/2009 at 10:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41454) - you deserved it (12285)
On 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6930) - you deserved it (52692)
On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46083) - you deserved it (3806)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:16am - love - by arsewipe92 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, it was my father's wedding. He never really cared for me, and his fiancée is my age, but I thought it would mean a lot to him if I went. I was supposed to wait for his call the day before, so he would give me directions and tell me when it starts. He never called. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39923) - you deserved it (2066)
On 08/29/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by kkiv (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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