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Danielle7994's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
by bringthemback / 03/29/2014 at 6:34am / United States (South Carolina) / Work
Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2014 at 11:02pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work
by shabowbow / 03/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML
by fired / 09/17/2013 at 12:36am / United States (Georgia) / Work
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
by zephyrgk / 09/01/2013 at 9:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 2:21pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Money
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
by Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard / 08/06/2013 at 5:55pm / United States / Love
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 1:29am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 3:10am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead…