Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About DanielT1994 : I'm well into my second semester at American River College. I'm working on learning Italian because my family doesn't speak it anymore. I plan on majoring in Criminal Justice. If I offend you, I do apologize; the comments I make are related to who I am, and I, as well as you are, am shaped by things that happen to me. I am a firm believer in God and our Lord Jesus Christ. I love video games and science fiction. I love animals, but they can be annoying. I can be cold, but I generally try to be a kind man. I mainly go on this application between 0600 and 0700 before class and then whenever else I can. Puns are my favorite type of joke. I'm a very sarcastic man. I have no sympathy for teenagers that disrespect their parents and the rules of the house. Stupidity can be very bothersome to me. I try to live by a moral code. If you would like to contact me, do as you wish.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML
Today, I was washing a stainless steel pot at my kitchen job. Every time I pulled it out of the dishwasher and examined it for dirt, I saw something orange inside it. After 3 run-throughs, I realized it was just my shirts reflection. FML
Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML
Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML
Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML
Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML
Friday 27 February 2015